Dear Lord time goes by fast. July 4th is just about here. Some of us have plans. Some of us have no plans. Some of us will be with family or giving thanks for our country, some of us will be doing no such thing.
But there’s something we all have in common: We are all free, and we all like big robots and explosions.
I haven’t seen Transformers: Dark of the Moon yet. But I’m going to. Have I gotten amnesia? Have I forgotten the wasted hours and dollars I spent seeing the first two Transformers?
Yes, maybe I have. Because from the moment I saw the trailer for this flick, I just knew I had to see it. Word on the street is it’s the best of the bunch. Normally, I would give up on a team of “creative” people after they tried twice to make a good movie (the same movie). Maybe it’s because they spent so much darn money on them. Maybe it’s because they shot it in 3D–and the 3D action is being called far and away the best since Avatar. Maybe it’s the girl who’s replacing Megan Fox. But I’ll give Michael Bay his third and final chance to make a Transformers movie that doesn’t have me leading the movie theater with a wince or a headache.
/Film has reported on the great divide between critics and audience members when it comes to this latest movie, which opened on Tuesday in select 3D locations. I read the critics a lot. I don’t always agree with them, but we usually see eye to eye more than me and middle America do. (Speaking of critics, the other “big” movie opening this weekend is the Tom Hanks directed Larry Crowne, which he stars in with Miss Julia Roberts. I’ve read two reviews- LA Times savagely trashed the film, to the point where I knew I had to get a second opinion. Vulture had me covered. David Edelstein says of the “gentle” Larry Crowne, “I found it easy to understand why its trailer is so, so lame—the tagline might as well be ‘Come Smile Awhile.’” Tell your parents to let me know how it is).
But I digress. My point is, while I’m generally on the sides of critics (as opposed to the mass movie going public, or the bureaucratic, elitist, insider sludge of the Academy) I don’t really give a damn what the critics say about Transformers 3 (even the oft-reliable Peter Travers gave Tranformers 3 zero stars, claiming, “Watching it makes you die a little inside.” I hope that shows up on the Blu-ray sleeve). I’m sure the pain of a film like the second Transformers making soooo much money despite their critical warnings is still fresh in the minds of many film critics. I can understand their bitterness. But, while I might have forgotten the utter disappointment and hysterical unhappiness the first two Transformer films evoked in me, I have not forgotten why I saw those films in the first place.
I wanted a good action movie.
Don’t tell me this doesn’t look good. Brad Bird directs Tom Cruise and Jeremy Renner in December’s Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol.
This is the first film I’ve seen branded as a “Tom Cruise / Bad Robot Production.” This opposed to a Cruise/Wagner Production (Wagner being Cruise’s ex-wife and [former?] producing partner Paula Wagner).
The entire IMF has been disavowed. Only Tom Cruise, the guy who made Lost, and a Pixar director can get to the bottom of it.
M:I 4, people. Lick. It. Up.
My sister is an ultra-religious fundamentalist Christian. She and her husband believe that God himself decided on them having 8 children. I guess I can handle that, but as I get older I am less and less able to find any real satisfaction in keeping a friendship with her. I don’t want to just cut things off completely, but when we’re together the whole Jesus thing is ALWAYS there, hanging over us. She insists that she won’t try to convert me anymore, which always seemed to be the problem. I’ve realized lately, however, that it’s me who needs to get over her ever-present religion. It annoys the hell out of me. I am an atheist, but I don’t want to be the kind of arrogant atheist who goes around criticizing everything in sight. I would like to have genuine respect for her religious beliefs, but the truth is that I just don’t. How can I stop this trend of liking religious people less and less?
Atheist Rising Continue Reading
Happy Father’s Day from The Heated Forest
In honor of their Dads, some of our writers have written up tributes, memoirs, anecdotes, memories, and Thank-You Letters for their Fathers.
As a general rule, we don’t like to get too mushy here at THF. But hell. We wouldn’t be who we were without these men. And we figured it was time to finally say thanks.
Q: Did The X-Files predict 9/11? Isn’t The X-Files, like, about aliens or something?
A: Relax, baby. Just sit back while blogger Benjamin Christopher quietly blows your mind.
For reasons I can’t explain, Super 8 is the film I’ve been most anticipating of the Summer movie season. As the movie got closer to release, I was sure they would release more footage or give some kind of hint as to what the big mystery was. They didn’t. For some reason, I assumed that film reviewers wouldn’t spoil it either. Cautiously, I looked at Variety’s recent review of the film. THE VERY FIRST SENTENCE of the film review spoiled it. I was furious. I didn’t even finish the review or figure out if it was a good review or a bad review. I just couldn’t believe they spoiled it for me. And, while I certainly won’t do that to you, the fact is: it didn’t make a difference. After all, any film that can truly be spoiled isn’t a film worth watching. Super 8 can’t be spoiled. It’s just too much fun.
Super 8 is first and foremost a monster movie. Big special effects, scary sound effects, and a mysterious monster “terrorizing” an unsuspecting town in 1979. There’s plenty of CGI and sci-fi elements, and yet, Super 8 feels like a throwback, back to the early days of summer blockbusters, when a cool original concept and some great characters were enough to warrant an “event film.” You don’t need the destruction of the entire world, or even an entire city. You don’t need a comic book property or instantly recognizable brand. Just a handful of preteens running around trying to uncover the greatest mystery of their short little lives.
Go Pumas, Go!
By Osama bin Laden, pwned by US Navy Seals, May 2011.
I am not liking this place. Let me tell you that from the beginning. Things are not quite as I believed that they would be in paradise. Not at all. For the first of all, things are very hot. I am sweating all of the time in my head-dress and I dare not remove it because the humidity has made my hair very, how do you say, poofy like? Only the Pumas, my beloved Pumas, are keeping me sane. But we will get to that later.
The impression that I was under was that there would be virgins waiting for me here. Only 72, which is not as many wives as I had in the last world, but still an impressive number none the less. I have yet to meet one of these ladies and I am waiting because my hair, that I have said before, is poofy like in the humidity and needs tending too.
Also, I have no fruit basket. I was expecting to be fed from the fruit basket by the 72 virgins while I lay on a cloud of pillows. This is not so. In fact my bed is not very comfortable at all. It is not made of pillows but of dirty nails, which is very unsanitary. I must speak with the manager of this place about the conditions of the rooms. I am told that he and I would get along very well by the other tenants. But there is also this snickering, which I do not understand. I must adjust to this sense of humor, because I am not understanding it at all.
Also, I cannot find myself anywhere on the television. My favorite past time has been to change channels on the satellite and find myself speaking somewhere, but I cannot find Al Jazeera or any of the other networks that might broadcast my message. In fact, I can’t even get CNN. My television does not even have basic cable. I am not liking this place at all.
In fact the only network I am able to see shows nothing but girl’s high school basketball. At first I was very upset at this, but in the way of not having any other entertainments, it has become my greatest refuge. I am enjoying very much the march that the Peterson Pumas are making into the playoffs.
I was very worried at the beginning of this season, as the team was not showing the kind of defensive efforts required to make a run deep into a tournament. However, all that has changed, thanks to Becky.