Could the Academy Awards be any less relevant? The children’s choir singing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” at the end of tonight’s ceremony would argue that no, they could not. That, and the Academy’s utter refusal to celebrate a film that resonates with A) the movie-going population, B) people under the age of 50, or C) Me. In the last 10 years, only one picture that I wanted to win Best Picture has actually won. As it usually does, the Academy took the “Oscar Bait” again this year, with The King’s Speech.

Steven Spielberg, presenting the Best Picture Oscar, said it best:  ”In a moment, one of these ten movies will join a list that includes On The Waterfront, Midnight Cowboy, The Godfatherand The Deer Hunter. The other nine will join a list that includesThe Grapes Of Wrath, Citizen Kane, The Graduate and Raging Bull.” So no, losing an Academy Award isn’t the worst thing that could happen.

Watching the Academy Awards is. For over three hours every year, Hollywood invades our living rooms with this over-the-top self-congratulatory spectacle, filled with horrible music, terrible jokes, and awkward silences. And every year, I watch every second of it. Because, in a way, I love it. And every year, I’m hoping a movie I love will win. It won’t.

The weirdest thing about this year’s obvious winner, The King’s Speech, was that– during the montage of clips from all ten Best Picture nominees–which included Inception, Toy Story 3, The Social Network, and some other movies that weren’t as awesome–there was audio from The King’s Speech playing. I’m sure it was a great idea to those out-of-touch Academy morons putting together this atrocious slow-motion train wreck, but it was kind of, well, shitty. Everyone knew Speech would win Best Picture. Did they need to rub it in and slight the other nominees by making it the centerpiece of the montage?

But, as the saying goes, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all, so I’ll keep the rest of this extremely short. The highlights:

The bizarre decision to wheel out Kirk Douglas one last time to present the Award for Best Supporting Actress. This award means the world to the nominees, and to hear Douglas–yes, a legend–incoherently mumble their names was awkward at first, cringe inducing second, and finally, sort of funny. But if anyone could have treated the award with less weight, it was the winner, the classless Melissa Leo winning for The Fighter, who made sure to drop the F-bomb during her display of gratitude.

Toy Story 3 won best Animated Picture. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross won best original score for The Social Network. Aaron Sorkin won best Adapted Screenplay for The Social Network. Amen to them all. No love, unfortunately, for Banksy. Though I do want to see Inside Job, the documentary that beat out Banksy’s enjoyable Exit Through the Gift Shop.

All of tonight’s winners are listed below, courtesy of Deadline.

BEST PICTURE
THE KING’S SPEECH (The Weinstein Co)
A See-Saw Films and Bedlam Production Iain Canning, Emile Sherman and Gareth Unwin, Producers

BEST ACTOR
COLIN FIRTH – THE KING’S SPEECH (The Weinstein Company)

BEST ACTRESS
NATALIE PORTMAN – BLACK SWAN (Fox Searchlight)

BEST ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
CHRISTIAN BALE – THE FIGHTER (Paramount)

BEST ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
MELISSA LEO – THE FIGHTER (Paramount)

BEST ANIMATED PICTURE
TOY STORY 3 (Walt Disney)

BEST DIRECTOR
TOM HOOPER – THE KING’S SPEECH (The Weinstein Co.)

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
THE KING’S SPEECH, David Seidler (The Weinstein Co)

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
THE SOCIAL NETWORK, Aaron Sorkin (Sony Pictures)

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
Denmark, In a Better World (Sony Pictures Classics) – A Zentropa Production

BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN CINEMATOGRAPHY
Inception (Warner Bros.) – Wally Pfister

BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE
Inside Job (Sony Pictures Classics) – A Representational Pictures Production Charles Ferguson and Audrey Marrs

BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT SUBJECT
Strangers No More – A Simon & Goodman Picture Company Production Karen Goodman and Kirk Simon

BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN FILM EDITING
The Social Network (Sony Pictures Releasing) Angus Wall and Kirk Baxter

ACHIEVEMENT IN VISUAL EFFECTS
Inception (Warner Bros) – Paul Franklin, Chris Corbould, Andrew Lockley and Peter Bebb

BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN ART DIRECTION
Alice in Wonderland (Walt Disney) – Production Design: Robert Stromberg, Set Decoration: Karen O’Hara

BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN COSTUME DESIGN
Alice in Wonderland (Walt Disney) – Colleen Atwood

BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN MAKEUP
The Wolfman (Universal) Rick Baker and Dave Elsey

BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN MUSIC WRITTEN FOR MOTION PICTURES (ORIGINAL SCORE)
The Social Network (Sony Pictures Releasing) – Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross

ACHIEVEMENT IN MUSIC WRITTEN FOR MOTION PICTURES (ORIGINAL SONG)
“We Belong Together” from Toy Story 3 (Walt Disney) – Music and Lyric by Randy Newman

BEST ANIMATED SHORT FILM
The Lost Thing (Nick Batzias for Madman Entertainment) – A Passion Pictures Australia Production Shaun Tan and Andrew Ruhemann

BEST LIVE ACTION SHORT FILM
God Of Love – A Luke Matheny Production – Luke Matheny

ACHIEVEMENT IN SOUND EDITING
Inception (Warner Bros) – Richard King

ACHIEVEMENT IN SOUND MIXING
Inception (Warner Bros) – Lora Hirschberg, Gary A. Rizzo and Ed Novick

For all things film, and some things not, follow me on Twitter @35mmofheaven.

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