Oprah the Gay Unicorn: A Photo-Essay
“Oprah the Gay Unicorn”
by Shae Rue
Let’s talk about why Oprah is not heterosexual. There have been whispers for some time now over her unusually close relationship with friend and business partner Gayle King. Oprah has vehemently denied these allegations – via press releases and Barabara Walters interviews – pointing back to her longtime cover boyfriend Stedman. Code word for the oblivious: “Steady Man”
The recent unauthorized biography of Oprah by Kitty Kelley explores this and other contentious bits of Oprah’s history. Kelley claims to have read an unpublished autobiography authored by Oprah in which she alludes to being a “teenage prostitute”, giving a child up for adoption and doing lots of drugs. All in all pretty run of the mill stuff for kids who grow up in the projects, but it does point to the unknown factors in Oprah’s history. After interviewing 850 people for the book and compiling transcripts of every single interview Oprah has ever done in the last 25 years – Kelley is arguably the most authoritative source on all things Oprah. She contends that Oprah is asexual and confirms that Oprah is not shagging Stedman; except for a once-a-year obligatory birthday shag.
Even Barbara Walters does not seem convinced by Oprah’s claims to heterosexuality. Babs was so worked up by her interview with Oprah in December that she even had to unpack it with another ABC News anchor. The video contains a clip of the most salient part of the Barbara Walter’s Oprah interview: the part where Oprah breaks down crying, calling King a “mother-figure” while Barbara asks “Why are you crying?….I’ve never cried while talking about one of my girlfriends.”
The difference, Barbara, is that you and your mother-figure girlfriend aren’t taking sexy tropical vacations together, feeling each other up in the sauna and cuddling in your pajamas at the end of the night. Oprah and Gayle King, however, are. And thanks to the insatiable and ever-desperate paparazzi, I can prove it.
Let’s first examine Oprah and Stedman:
Now let’s look at the body language of Oprah and Gayle together:
This is only the tip of the Google Image search iceberg, my friends. For lack of evidence to the contrary, I rest my case: If Oprah is bedding anyone, it’s Gayle King. If Oprah is not bedding Gayle King, then she is probably a megalomaniac unicorn who lives alone in her own magical forest where money grows on trees. She probably prefers lavish gift giving to having orgasms. Being rich is like having amazing sex with yourself all the time, I hear
Shae Rue is a renowned mythologist and tarot card reader with a background in kitchen witchery and hypnosis, based out of Portland, Oregon. Trained by a druid clan member in her early incarnations, she was inaugurated into the world of magicians by The Artist Formerly Known as Prince in 1989- the year of the greatest party in history.She is in the process of starting an advice column called “Astral Answers” for The Heated Forest. Her advice is given based on the experience of many lifetimes. Her musings on this generation can be found on her blog A Shortwave.