Independence Day: Transformers and Poetry
Dear Lord time goes by fast. July 4th is just about here. Some of us have plans. Some of us have no plans. Some of us will be with family or giving thanks for our country, some of us will be doing no such thing.
But there’s something we all have in common: We are all free, and we all like big robots and explosions.
I haven’t seen Transformers: Dark of the Moon yet. But I’m going to. Have I gotten amnesia? Have I forgotten the wasted hours and dollars I spent seeing the first two Transformers?
Yes, maybe I have. Because from the moment I saw the trailer for this flick, I just knew I had to see it. Word on the street is it’s the best of the bunch. Normally, I would give up on a team of “creative” people after they tried twice to make a good movie (the same movie). Maybe it’s because they spent so much darn money on them. Maybe it’s because they shot it in 3D–and the 3D action is being called far and away the best since Avatar. Maybe it’s the girl who’s replacing Megan Fox. But I’ll give Michael Bay his third and final chance to make a Transformers movie that doesn’t have me leading the movie theater with a wince or a headache.
/Film has reported on the great divide between critics and audience members when it comes to this latest movie, which opened on Tuesday in select 3D locations. I read the critics a lot. I don’t always agree with them, but we usually see eye to eye more than me and middle America do. (Speaking of critics, the other “big” movie opening this weekend is the Tom Hanks directed Larry Crowne, which he stars in with Miss Julia Roberts. I’ve read two reviews- LA Times savagely trashed the film, to the point where I knew I had to get a second opinion. Vulture had me covered. David Edelstein says of the “gentle” Larry Crowne, “I found it easy to understand why its trailer is so, so lame—the tagline might as well be ‘Come Smile Awhile.’” Tell your parents to let me know how it is).
But I digress. My point is, while I’m generally on the sides of critics (as opposed to the mass movie going public, or the bureaucratic, elitist, insider sludge of the Academy) I don’t really give a damn what the critics say about Transformers 3 (even the oft-reliable Peter Travers gave Tranformers 3 zero stars, claiming, “Watching it makes you die a little inside.” I hope that shows up on the Blu-ray sleeve). I’m sure the pain of a film like the second Transformers making soooo much money despite their critical warnings is still fresh in the minds of many film critics. I can understand their bitterness. But, while I might have forgotten the utter disappointment and hysterical unhappiness the first two Transformer films evoked in me, I have not forgotten why I saw those films in the first place.
I wanted a good action movie.
Not a good action movie like Die Hard, okay? A good action movie like a Michael Bay movie without… without all the terrible crap that comes along with most Michael Bay movies. And Transformers 3 looks like it can deliver. And when it comes to needing an honest man’s opinion about big, awesome, dumb action movies… there’s only one man I turn to.
That would be TPG of This La Life. Goessling’s no joke. This guy blogged Stallone’s recent all-star action epic The Expendables with the kind of fervor and geeked out excitement that an NYU Film Student would reserve for a Terrance Malick film. The guy doesn’t use as many commas as I’d like him to, but he’s got me schooled when it comes to stylized feel-good cinema violence. So before heading out of town for the tail end of this Independence Day weekend, I headed over to This LA Life to see if TPG had the scoop. He did.
The headline reads:
Transformers 3 is a Patriotic Powerhouse of Summer Excitement!
That’s all I needed to hear. He continues:
Shot in 3D by action cinema God Michael Bay the film follows the friendly American Autobots as they fight another Decepticon attack. This new threat involves NASA cover ups, evil human counter-parts on earth, and the invasion of Chicago. Watching the incredible action in the film, it’s clear that Michael Bay saw “Avatar” and said…..”Ohhhh yeah that’s pretty cool Jim…but you know what audiences like better than blue aliens in 3D…Optimus Prime fighting Megatron in 3D!” Bay is already an incredible technical director and even though this is his first time directing in 3D…visually the film is breathtaking. The sound design is chest rattling as well.
What makes the film enjoyable though is the fact that Bay clearly took what didn’t work from the previous films and fixed them. Shia who in the past films was kind of passerby to robot insanity, now has to deal with another human who is on the decepticon side. The commandos who in the past just looked good and yelled now have some awesome sequences where they fight (and win) against the robots. And finally the robot battle scenes with the bots are easier to follow and have some real stakes with notable characters dying surprising deaths (lotta robot blood here).
Yep. To tell you the truth, I’d see the movie for the sake of watching Chicago decimated if nothing else. (It’s strange how much appeal watching a city you love get destroyed on the big screen has).
Well, while I’m out hustling to scrounge up the money for a 3D ticket, you enjoy this timely poem, courtesy of the demented Velvet Beard:
independence day
it took me all day but i made it to the ocean
i walked until my feet bled
i drank until i stumbled
at dusk i collapsed into the sand
with quiet explosions overhead
it took me all day but i made it to the water
with a flask and a skateboard and a taste
for independence
that stripper would have gone home with me too
you know, if things were different.